20 something

When I was younger, in my early teen years, people in their 20’s were the adults and above 30 years they were senior adults. Forgive me for my kind of thinking but I thought life was best in your 20s, the peak of life was in the 20s. I have read a few open letters about what some people wish they had done in their 20s. You should note that most the writers of the open letters are actually past that age but they wrote truths about the age of 20s. However, times and situations change. How about I take you through the 20 something journeys just when it’s happening. Let’s call it a peer to peer letter.

Dearest reader, sit tight…

As a younger person growing up from the age of about four the questions of “what do you want to be in the future?” came exactly after the question “how are you?” whenever you met family and friends. So, our minds got tuned to be what you have always wanted to be and have. There is an assumed pattern that life should take; “birth - education - degree - career/job - marriage - babies - then sort yourself after that - death”. By the time one is 20 I assume that stage in life is education, degree or starting your marriage. Around this time, you are either on the path you have always been dreaming or you are so far away from or you have no idea where you are, later on where you are going. Conflict kicks in about it. It’s a reality verse expectation. Better still let’s define expectation as assumed life pattern. Well majority of the young people in the 20s have either finished their education to high school or degree level or you are in the process of achieving them. It’s another fight. It may be the education path you desired or not at all. As young people, you may have either had a career change or are struggling to have a career change. You are either wondering if you will ever break through and make sense of the education you had. You are wondering if you will make it to that position you ever dreamt about because all you see or hear is that you are not good enough. You are out there looking for a job. You have no experience but even the opportunities that can give you the experience are asking for a 20-25year old with 5 years and plus experience. It’s a wonder beyond imagination right now. Ideology of in the 20s is when you find a mate. Settle down, get married, have a huge wedding and kick off with a baby number one already is just another of those things that haunt you. You are wondering when you will have a place of your own and if you do its not any easier living a life independently away from your family. You are carrying a lot of responsibilities on shoulder that are either by choice or not and you are struggling to find a way to meet them.

Well it doesn’t get easier especially if you see your friends, workmates, former school mates are richer than you, employed, have defined careers, new appointments come in every month, scholarships come easy for some, married and have kids and you are right there just eating your parents’ or guardian’s potatoes. I don’t mean to say that the people we see having registered the successes we know, are fully happy. They are also struggling with some challenges. Not every happy face you see on social media with so many achievements, smiles everyday way from the camera. Not everyone is perfect. So, then you go running to find comfort in so many things. You count your social media likes, retweets, to make you feel you are acceptable in society. You consider getting that text as a key to a happy you. You feel going to expensive places beyond your means, just to make you feel you are getting to that class of people. You feel prettier when you probably you do what the socialites do. Yet when you return to your room, all the feelings that you running from meet you there in the loneliness. Insecurities, doubts and fear just feel the entire space.

It’s okay… its very okay my dear not to be where you have always wanted to be. Its okay to feel like you are losing. Its okay not be like the others. Yes, it’s okay not be married at 28years or whatever 20 something it is, to be out of work, to have no child, to be at a lower level of education… You can break down and cry, you can punch a few bags of stuff (not human beings please). Just do it to free your spirit.  But you must know the fight isn’t over. Just because you don’t have it now doesn’t mean you have failed or failing. Just please get up whenever you fall. Whenever you lose the strength to get up every day, face anything, to hope for the good, please don’t look down. Look up and remind yourself that you have come a long way. There have been tough times you overcame. You are BRAVE.

I am a Christian. I have learnt and know that my strength is in the Lord. When all my strength is washed away so fast by a terrific flood, I look up and ask Jesus to take his place in my life and renew my spirit and strength (Isaiah 40:29,31). Every now and then challenges are going to come up. You will feel inadequate. Life will once in a while lose meaning but hold to Jesus. Remember that our Father in heaven says in His word that He will strengthen and help us. (Isaiah 41:10). You will find peace that surpasses human understanding guarding your heart even in the harshest of times in Him. Now I know, that sometimes come when you are to weak to even hold to Jesus and you need help. These times do come. I pray that our friends and our parents or guardians can see the struggles that you/we are going through. That they can hold your hand and lead you to the well that doesn’t run dry, to God. Sometimes all your friend/daughter/son/sibling needs is for you to say a prayer with them. To say a bible verse with them. To check on them and tell them they are doing just well for the age of 20s.

Being 20 something is a beautiful thing. Don’t let all the things you haven’t achieved deceive you that being 20 something is very terrible. Stop defining your happiness by the material things that you achieve because this kind of achievement is sweet at the time its ripe. Remember material things keep changing. Some get better while other depreciate. Don’t misunderstand me, be happy for every material achievement but it must not be basis for your happiness.  Ask yourself “when are you going to be 20 something again in your life?” ONCE…  Johnson Oatman Jr in 1897 wrote one of the common hymns in the church today, “Count your blessings”. Listen to this song stanza by stanza, word by word, you will notice that they are so many things God has done for you and me. When you read Jeremiah 29, you will get to know a part of story of the Israelites, they were anxious about getting to the promised land. They lived in Babylon and were worried the Lord had forgotten about them. But the Lord didn’t. He spoke through Jeremiah and told the Israelites to build houses, plan gardens and eat produces and so many more as you read in Jeremiah 29:5. He continued in verse 6 to say but seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile and pray to God on its behalf for in its welfare you will find welfare. Now taking this in the context of a challenging season of being 20 something, we are in a hurry to achieve our big goals. Stop, breath and take every season that you are in as a blessing, time blessing. Yes, you are single as per now, unemployed, not richer than you want to be, you have no car, no house, no piece of land, you have low level of education, you are roaming around from one career path to another. It a season of its own. Use it to explore your potential, to enhance your sales, marketing, agricultural, art and design and so many more skills, join as many influential (good influence) groups as you can, go on adventures, do voluntary work, read books, go back to school, take that course, love your body so much, dress just as you feel and so many other things. Find prosperity with the resources you have at your disposal. One morning I was passing by a kindergarten school on my way to work, I read very interesting words written on a black board just by the gate saying “hard work puts you where good luck can find you”. Well you cannot be down and crying how all is not well every single day. Just work with what you have and you will find yourself in a pool your success. Commit your plans to Lord and trust Him always. For the Lord knows the plans for us. Plans to make us prosper and not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11). YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT TO WHAT YOU WANT JUST DON’T GIVE UP… 1 Chronicles 16:11.

It’s a beautiful and amazing experience to be 20 something years. Don’t ever forget.

P.S: it’s taken me nearly a year to have this blog out but the grace of God has enabled me.

Love Roby <Ekyebeyi>,